Late

Well...it won't be the last time, by any means...but tonight is the first time "the man" is late.  Hours late.  We are now going on 3 hours, and since he has an hour commute, it means he won't be home for quite some time.  I haven't even heard from him since his last call to notify me that his current case is quickly becoming a nightmare...something involving teenagers and a burglary. Wish I could meet up with those kids myself; I'd give 'em a piece of my mind for ruining our evening.

Not that I had anything in particular planned.  I don't even really mind that he isn't here (believe me, I have plenty to do getting chores done, kids fed, animals cared for, and myself a beer).

So, there you have it.  Meh.

My police wife friends caution me that this happens all the time and to never really become attached to plans on a day your police officer is working.

I am learning, daily, that schedules are just suggestions at the PD.

Like I said in an earlier post...I'm just going to assume he's working every day, all day...that way, when he's home, it'll feel like a wonderful surprise.

4 a.m.

As expected...the 4 am wake-up is affecting me.  Here I sit at 4:45 typing away about it being too early for me to be typing away.

I suppose during this shift, I may get a lot of morning reading, laundry, and blogging done.

And, at least it works with our kids' schedule...early bedtime...and they don't have to get up any earlier than normal.

For Mama...I guess I'll get used to it.

I don't really have a choice.  But something tells me I will be looking much like this around 4 p.m.:

I so wish I was a harder sleeper...but I am, unfortunately, one of those who wakes at the slightest creak that doesn't belong.  If he was getting up and getting out within 5 minutes, I could probably get back to sleep...maybe I can convince him to join a 24 hour gym and take his early-rising elsewhere.

Just a thought.

Surprise Shift Change

I love how when my husband checks his department email from home, invariably, there is a new calendar.  I mentioned this a few posts back.  But, seriously....they have 3 different people making schedules...it's a case of two left hands being unaware of what the right hand is doing. For example, there have been 13 revised January schedules...and the February schedule has been changed 8 times - and it's still a week off!  Silliness.

Anyhow...we've fallen victim to it.  "The Man" was supposed to go into work at his normal time all month...same shift.  For the next two days, he's been moved to the shift before (2 hours earlier).

I'm pretty sure he'll attempt to go to bed earlier to compensate.  Which means I have a decision to make:

Go to bed earlier (even though I'm not tired), since he will surely, though unintentionally, wake me up 2 hours before I am supposed to get up - and I know myself well enough to know that I'll never get back to sleep (at least not until 10 minutes before my alarm).

Or

Stay up and watch a little T.V. or read...go to bed at a normal time...and still wake up 2 hours before I am supposed to.

Either way, I'm going to be getting less sleep.

The side-effects of being a police wife.

You Look Like a Bat

Funny interaction had by "the man" and a "client" the other day:

Picked up said "client" passed out at the bank.  Said "client" was out of his mind on a plethora of substances.  He is a "regular" with the local PD...not really harmful...but a little on the, shall we say, sanity-challenged side.

They haul him into the hospital, as he cannot remember how much (or what) he has taken.

Some time later, the hospital calls the PD because the "client" (now "patient") has disappeared.  Having ripped his IV out, "the man" found him wandering nearby...and kindly guided him back the way he had come.

This time, the "patient" turned to "the man" and said:

"At first when I saw you, I thought you were a wolf...you looked all predatory-like.  But, now, I think you look like something else."

"What do I look like to you?" ("The Man" asks in puzzlement.)

"A bat.  SCREEEEE! SCREEEE! SCREEEE! SCREEEEE!!!!" (Screamed while waving his arms above his head and baring his teeth).

After securing the "patient" to the bed so he couldn't escape again (or pantomime any more animal movements), "the man" walked out to the nurses station.

Amidst their giggles, "the man" asked, "Is being a bat a good thing?  Was that a compliment?"

I love being the recipient of his hilarious interactions.  While I am sure there will be those that make me scared to send him back out the door again, these ones sort of make my day.

Cops and Cell Phones

In most states, driving while talking on a phone is now illegal.  It's a secondary offense here, which means the cops aren't likely to pull you over just for that, but, if you are doing anything else "wrong" at the time, it will simply increase the girth of your ticket.

We also apparently have a law that says it isn't illegal for law enforcement to do it.

This is one of those "exceptions" that I just don't get.  And it's one of the reasons that civilian folks eye the authorities with mistrust.  Believe me, I get it.  Before my man became "the man", it totally irked me when I saw cops speeding for no reason, ignoring traffic laws, talking on their phones while driving.  It just doesn't sit well with people.  Even if they have a reason we don't know about.  And even though I now know that those cops might really need to run a red light or speed through town without their lights on, while blabbing on a phone, it still irks me.

Now that my husband is a cop, he's become pretty aware of what the public perception is.  In fact, I even bought him a bluetooth device for his stocking this Christmas so he'd have it as soon as he was issued his own patrol car.  He doesn't want to be one of those guys who puts his toe on the line of the law just because he can.

Really, it's more than that.  Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.  And if you do it, rest assured that someone with an opinion, a video camera, and a following is watching.  Whatever your reason, it will probably be misinterpreted and exploited all over youtube.

It just isn't worth it to invite more scrutiny than is already aimed at cops.

Shifting Shifts

My best advice to a new police wife?  Be flexible.  That doesn't mean taking yoga classes (though that might not be a bad idea to fill your time)...it means be ready for the schedule, and subsequently your plan, to change without notice.

The Man works in a small department...but I would imaging this happens everywhere.  They have a monthly schedule, but as people put in for vacation days, sick leave, etc., it changes.  Again, and again, and again.

Our January calendar has changed 3 times so far.  I'm to the point where I have thrown my hands in the air and proclaimed, "I'll just assume you are always working...and when you're home, it'll just be like a surprise bonus!"

He assures me that it will even out once he is on a regular shift (currently he is still on FTO, and therefore at the mercy of everyone else on the schedule).

I do remember a seasoned cop wife telling me that being flexible about an officer's schedule is paramount to one's sanity and well-being.  She also said, just make your plans, and go through with them, even if you are on your own.  Don't wait for him - he may never show up.

Sigh.

Cops in the Snow

Here in the Northwest we are being absolutely dumped on!   It's not normal for us.  We tend to be a temperate climate.  Because of this, our small towns and cities do not have the infrastructure to handle snowstorms like the one we are seeing this week.  Sure we have a few snowplows...but that's it:  a few.  This means only the most used roads in town get plowed, and the busiest parts of the highway.  The side roads remain icy and snow-covered.

Lucky for us, we have 4WD.  Living in the woods on a dirt road in the county = disaster and isolation for anyone who doesn't have a proper vehicle.

In fact, because we expected this storm, the man decided to take his patrol car out and down the highway to park it where the weather promised to be a bit better.  This short 30 minute commute was a real eye-opener for me.

It started just a few hundred feet from our driveway, where our road curves and inclines.  I followed in my own vehicle so I could bring him back after dropping the car.  With only a slight dusting of snow over a bit of icy packed snow, his patrol car spun and swerved.  I backed up several times to give him clearance in case he slid back down.  He's an excellent driver, so I really was quite nervous about getting up the hill myself.  A few neighbors came out to watch the show (and presumably help push his car up the hill if necessary).  Eventually, though, he made it.  I followed up the hill with no trouble at all.  Yikes.

That's when I got a little agitated.  Really?  The cop car can't make it up the hill?  Aren't they supposed to be helping the rest of us out of ditches and diverting us around collisions and pile-ups?

The following 25 minutes I led the way (really the first time seeing lights in my rear-view mirror didn't make me nervous).  And though I had little trouble (drove slow and avoided drivers who obviously had no clue how to handle snowy roads - which is common here), he definitely had trouble with the hills since people were driving so slowly...giving him no ability to gain speed or traction.

Anyhow, we made it just fine and the roads were better on the way home (of course).  And the following day was clear.

Then, this morning...we woke up to snowmageddon - a good 4 inches and it was coming down heavily.  Now his regular vehicle is 4WD.  So I really wasn't too worried about the beginning of his commute.  He left early so as to leave time to get chains on his crappy patrol car tires.  The second leg of his commute is a twisty, windy road off the main highway.  About 15 miles that feels like 30 on a good day.

He called when he made it to his car.  And hour and a half later, I texted him with concern.  Really?  An hour and a half to make 15 miles?

Needless to say, he did make it to work fine.  And now, the greater issue - to stay put or to come home after shift.  Sounds like we have at least another 4-6 inches coming tonight, so even though the drive home might not be bad, tomorrow morning it might be worse than this morning.  It's already predicted that schools will be closed all week.

My big complaint?  Yah, I get it, we don't have much snow out here, but shouldn't law enforcement officers all have 4WD vehicles in rural/wooded areas, regardless of climate?  I realize departments across the U.S. are strapped for cash, but come on!  How can the help the rest of us, if they can even get to us?

Grrr.

And to close, whoever sent us this snow...you can have it back now - it's lost its appeal.

Disturbing Statistics

So, my husband was cleaning out all of his binders and bags from academy this weekend...which involved quite a bit of recycling.  One page that caught my eye before it made it to the shredder was this list of stats from his "Emotional Survival" training:

police suicide rate is 3x more than normal

80% divorce rate and new officers divorce after 5 years

you will live 5-10 years after retirement

50% of all officer illness is psychological

every 24-52 hours a police officer commits suicide

To some degree...I can see truth in these statistics...but I'm not sure it's all that grim in smaller departments and rural areas.  I'm not discounting it, but I know several retired officers who have made it past the 5-10 year mark...plenty of happy, lasting marriages, and mentally healthy cops.  These are certainly issues to be aware of, but I don't think it's as negative as these stats make it sound.

Yes, police work is stressful.  But there are other stressful (even life-threatening) careers, and police aren't doomed to a life of loneliness, mental anguish, and depression.  I might even go as far as saying that depression, divorce, and suicidal thoughts are not really brought on by a law enforcement career, but rather they are already present and separate from the job.  Sure, the job can exacerbate things, but if a couple has a weak marriage, they have a weak marriage.  Having a police spouse might make things worse, but it isn't the cause.  Mental illness is also a pre-existing condition that can be made worse by the job.  Domestic violence?  A cop who beats his/her spouse would do so if he/she was a cop or not.  It isn't because he/she is a cop.  I think some of these stats are based on faulty correlations.  Maybe police work draws individuals who are more prone to anger, depression, and violence.  Well, now there's a happy thought.  Besides...once again, most of the cops I know are happy, generous, calm, and controlled.

Whatever the stats or reasons behind them...I suppose it isn't a stupid idea to at least be aware of the possibilities.  After all, knowledge is power and ignorance is never a good excuse.

Graduation

This week, my husband will be graduating from the police academy!  Yeehaw!  The moment we have been awaiting for 20 weeks....and 4 years.

It was 2007 when he decided it was time to switch careers.  Kind of a big deal for a guy choosing a job in which he'd be competing against candidates 10+ years younger, many with military experience.  Now, some of them are 15 years younger...in fact, he was the second oldest in his class.  It seemed to actually benefit him, however, rather than get in his way.  His life experience, reserve time, and level-headedness seem to have aided him more than youth.

He will be graduating from a class that started out with 5 more than it will be ending with - having lost one to injury, one to poor-decision making, one to poor performance, and two to a seemingly unfair string of unfortunate events. 

I will say, it makes me feel that much luckier that my husband is in the clear.

And we're finally there.

Time to celebrate...but not much, cause he goes to work the day after graduation.

I guess there is no rest for the wicked, huh?

Besides...every ending is the beginning of something else.

(Sadly...I went searching for a good police-related graduation quote to close this post, but I could find nothing that wasn't derogatory or negative - what is it with all the cop-haters?)

Officers Down - New Years Day

Mt. Rainier ranger shot to death, gunman sought

Suspect in Mt. Rainier Shooting Found Dead in Snow

Puerto Rico Officer Killed During Traffic Stop

Officer Down - Memorial Page 

Amidst all of the celebrations...resolutions...and hangovers - some sobering occurrences, for law enforcement officers and families, are sure to remind us all how lucky we are and how easy it is to lose a loved one in this line of work.

The scariest part about these stories is that both involved simple traffic stops...something LE officers doing every day, often dozens of times.  It's easy to forget, especially for LE families, just how dangerous each and every stop has the potential to be.  Of course, it's also sort of imperative that we "forget"...or at least avoid thinking about it all the time.

When I was a kid, my dad was a pilot in the Army.  It was simply a fact of our life that he might be sent away to war or might have any number of flight-related mishaps.  I'm certain my mom was aware of it...always...on a subconscious level.  But, to survive a life with someone in a dangerous profession, the family must push the awareness of that danger into the back of their minds.  Unfortunately, we are much more aware of it, even subconsciously, than people on "the outside".

Just recently, my husband was advised by an officer friend to "never forget to call or text your wife when you are going to be late".  The breath-stopping fear that can leap into the psyche of an LE spouse when he/she wakes up at 4 (when the officer was supposed to be home at 1) can lead to a state of instant panic.  My husband and I know this first hand.  Early on in his reserve experience, I woke up in just this situation.  And just as would be expected, I freaked out.

It only takes one shot.

My heart and prayers go out to the families of

Sergeant Abimael Castro-Berrocales, Puerto Rico Police Department, Puerto Rico

and

Park Ranger Margaret Anderson, United States Department of the Interior - National Park Service, U.S. Government

Read more: http://www.odmp.org/officer/21076-park-ranger-margaret-anderson#ixzz1iMem9Rsl

Read more: http://www.odmp.org/officer/21075-sergeant-abimael-castro-berrocales#ixzz1iMeToaq7

Have you hugged your officer today?